When confronted about some wrong, or behavior that is totally unacceptable, adolescents often point the finger of BLAME towards someone or something else in order to deny the offense or avoid the guilt they feel. They must deflect and make someone else at fault at all cost. We attribute this to the FACT that they are immature. They have not yet learned to take responsibility for their actions and it has not become clear to them that there are consequences involved for their behavior, both good and bad. We are in an historic moment of reckoning right now given the unprecedented outcry by women (and some men) with regard to sexual harassment, assault and abuse charges being made public against powerful men in Hollywood, politics, and corporate America. In cases of assault and harassment from decades ago, television and movie stars, mega moguls within the industry and in the halls of Congress, if not the White House itself have been “outted” by numerous women and several men for their outrageous and harmful sexual behaviors that in some cases are criminal and may result in charges being filed. A former State Supreme Court Justice and current candidate for the U.S. Senate has been accused of pedophilia because his sexual proclivities involve sexual activity with children as young as 14 years of age.
In a few cases, these offenders have stepped up and taken responsibility for themselves and the choices they made. They have apologized and asked for forgiveness. But in many cases, including the most heinous, all we hear is denial and blame shifting. These adult men want to point the finger of blame towards others, to put the onus onto the victims of the harassment and assault or essentially, to deflect by redirecting our attention to “others” by claiming “BUT What-About” whoever else as long as it’s NOT them! That’s what “What About-ism” is all about!
The outright cowardice and “adolescent angst” swaddling these “powerful men” and their fervent DENIALS is not only disgusting and fatigue inducing, it is a re-victimization of the women (and men) they assaulted and harassed in the first place! Is everybody a LIAR? Are we supposed to believe that Only THEY are telling the truth? There is a pattern of behavior that is undeniable. When those who have been assaulted or harassed tell the same story about that behavior over and over with no knowledge of the details given by others it becomes increasingly difficult to doubt the veracity of their explanations. Stop blaming the victims! Stop denying the truth! When you say, “If a person did not scream or fight or has no injury, it could not have been a sexual assault,” or “Why has it taken so long for these women to tell their stories?” you are deflecting! You are engaging in “What about this and what about that ism!” And when you defend these men with those same strategies, you become complicit in the lies that they are telling. The Liar’s motto is, if at first you don’t deceive, lie, lie and LIE again.
