That person who pushes past others with reckless disregard, patient makes their opinion the most important piece of information in the room with a vibrato that causes everyone else to shrink and acquiesce to their self-importance and formidable will is a BULLY. Although they can just as easily be female, doctor they are most often males and they generally make the workplace uncomfortable and challenging for everyone, but especially for those who dare to confront them. A Bully in the workplace was most assuredly a bully in the schoolyard and has been honing those skills throughout their lifetime. Intimidation, isolation, and humiliation are the primary weapons used by a Bully against their targets. These tactics are just as successful in the boardroom as they are in the classroom, and serve to elevate the status of the Bully above that of his or her peers. When these behaviors go unaddressed, they can quickly escalate to a level that makes confrontation inevitable and depending upon the circumstances, both physically and emotionally dangerous.
Most people tend to avoid confrontation rather than face it. When we see avoidance as a strategy for survival, most choose to avoid any situations that bring them into the direct line of fire of the Bully. Unfortunately, this often means tolerating the behavior and accepting a position of powerlessness. It also means that we stand by and watch others be humiliated, intimidated, and isolated by the Bully. Instead of calling out the behavior or coming to the aid of our colleague or peer, we just hold our breath content, for the time being, that we are not the targets… this time. There is the pretense of believing: “It’s not my problem” or “It’s none of my business” or “What can I do about it?”
The evolution of a Bully tends to begin in childhood and adolescence. When we look at bullying in our schools and neighborhoods among children, it is more specifically defined as unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. This repetitious behavior engages the evolutionary process of the youth bully. The effects of these aggressive behaviors for the Bully often result in destructive activities like drug and alcohol abuse, violence or truancy that can lead to juvenile delinquency. For the targets or those victimized by the Bully, self-destructive behaviors like drug and alcohol abuse are common, but also sexual promiscuity and depression. For our young people, many of these behaviors spiral out of control and often lead to multiple attempts at suicide and, increasingly, the outcome is death.
It takes courage to address a culture that allows bullying to continue as an ordinary and common condition of growing up or as an expected phenomenon of the workplace environment. Responsibility must be taken by all contingencies to Change these behaviors. There are strategies that can be employed and we must teach our children and ourselves that tolerating the intolerable is NOT a viable strategy. It is time to recognize that we can no longer be bystanders and must become allies engaged in interventions that help to empower those who have been targets of the unhealthy evolution of the BULLY culture, both at school and at work.
Dr.T
Tawnya Pettiford-Wates, Ph.D.
Founder and Artistic Director
The Conciliation Project and
Associate Professor
Virginia Commonwealth University
DrT@Margins2theCenter.com
www.theconciliationproject.org
Up Next Week: Talk is CHEAP
