I hate “Reality TV!” The use of the word “reality” is an oxymoron when referencing this type of commercial television. Shows like Maury Povich actually make me nauseous. They are a type of modern day minstrelsy where black, symptoms brown and poor people (including whites) “perform” staged scenarios that are designed to bring out the most racist, drugs sexist and classist stereotypes. They “play-out” denigrating scenes of men and women belonging to these racial and socioeconomic groups, solely for the commercial gain and cheap entertainment it provides for the dominant and privileged class.
Mostly the show’s content surrounds a bunch of baby’s Mommas and baby’s Momma’s Daddies proclaiming “They are NOT the Father!” This after Maury so graciously provides a platform for mostly unintelligible conversation where the opposing Mommas and Daddies face off with their significant others to curse, gyrate and gesture like clowns all over the stage while like-minded audience members cheer and boo their respective positions.
Maury, of course, must have proof positive that the denial of paternity is in fact the case so, as a gracious host, he gives the consenting adults a paternity test. Audience members are encouraged to text in their vote and the preverbal pot is sufficiently stirred. People actually watch this stuff! During this circus, the question of “ What is fatherhood?” is never raised. All of these histrionics often take place right in front of minor children.
Fatherhood is not a question of paternity alone. I know men who have fathered children and have no biological connection to them whatsoever but have raised those children to adulthood with love and a grace that would match any man. Fatherhood is a high calling whether a man is raising a daughter or a son. The influence and demonstration of love, respect and perspective that a male brings to child rearing impart different qualities and influence on children of either sex than those qualities demonstrated and shared by a female. Fathers can bring a distinct and valued contribution that is qualitatively different than what a mother brings.
There is a responsibility to deposit into your child’s life more than just financial support, although for some men even that seems to be challenging. Whatever your difficulty with your child’s mother, your son or daughter have no accountability for that and should not be penalized or suffer a deficit where their father’s time or treasure are concerned. I recognize that there are families that include same-sex couples, single mothers and other caregivers who are successfully raising children with love and grace too. Addressing the high calling of fatherhood here is in no way intended to denigrate or marginalize those families or parents. The intention is to recognize that paternity alone in no way establishes or gives the appropriate level of importance to the word or the practice of true Fatherhood.
Those men celebrating “I am NOT the father!” do not appear to be men who are even suited to the High Calling of Fatherhood. I am thankful for all the men who are raising their children and salute those who are called Daddy. I am one of those fortunate children who have both a Father and a Daddy. What do you say? Talk to me!
Dr.T
Artistic Director and Founder
The Conciliation Project
Professor at Virginia Commonwealth University
DrT@Margin2theCenter.com
www.theconciliationproject.org
