“There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues, the most dominating virtues of human society, are created, strengthened and maintained.” ~ Winston Churchill

The family unit is the main and most important building block of society.  Strong families are the core of building strong communities. Richmond, Virginia is a strong community, growing stronger every day. The Greater Richmond area is a haven for business with a vaunted history, physical beauty, and quality of life.  Beneath the community’s growth, environmental health and vibrant economy, however, lies the hidden fact that as the community grows and strengthens; many families are still in crisis. First Things First (FTF) wants to assist those families, and work to reverse the trend of destructive relationships and family fragmentation. Founded in 2003, FTF is a nonprofit community organization in Richmond dedicated to strengthening families for a better community through education, collaboration and mobilization. Divorce, absent fathers, and out-of-wedlock births are compromising the future of Richmond’s children and our entire community. Studies have demonstrated that the failure of parents to form and maintain healthy marriages is associated with crime, poverty, mental health problems, welfare dependency, failed schools, blighted neighborhoods, bloated prisons, and higher rates of single parenting and divorce in the next generation.

FTF’s founder, Bob Ruthazer and a group of pastors noticed a tremendous void in the Richmond community – that a lack of attention was being put on relationships from birth to adulthood. As a result, Ruthazer’s group decided to establish an organization that would focus on strengthening families for a better community, known as the Marriage Builders Alliance, aimed at helping churches enhance the preparation for and support of strong marriages. In 2004, the board of directors voted to affiliate with First Things First of Chattanooga, Tennessee, which has pioneered a broad-based community “prevention” model for strengthening families.

Utilizing education, public awareness and collaboration, FTF has three strategic goals:

• Reduce the number of divorces filed in the greater Richmond metropolitan area;
• Reduce out-of-wedlock pregnancies in the greater Richmond metropolitan area; and,
• Increase fathers’ involvement with their children.

In order to lower the single-parent birthrate and try to help break and prevent the cycle of poverty, the organization works with youth, singles and couples to teach healthy relationship skills; provide marriage events and programs; and serve as an expert resource on the topics of relationships, fatherhood, and family. They encourage youth to pursue healthy, age-appropriate relationships and equip them with the tools to succeed in their personal and professional relationships.

VIDEO: First Things First Richmond — Innocence

 

Step by Step to a Strong Family and Marriage

Strong families very often begin with strong marriages. FTF works to keep spouses married and happy. Urban Views Weekly asked FTF founder, Bob Ruthazer what can couples do to keep from divorcing and to keep strong, happy homes?

Most couples do not do enough to divorce proof their marriages and YES most marriages can go the distance.   Of the commonly talked about three C’s: Communication, Conflict Resolution and Commitment, I believe Commitment has the most POWER.  That is, when a couple makes the strong commitment to work it out no matter what, they can usually overcome any difficulty that comes in a marriage. Marriages can move from intolerable to tolerable and then to rewarding with commitment and a few basic learnable skills.

First Things First It Takes Two, Keys to a Rewarding couple’s program based on the research proven PREP gives the practical skills needed to have good communication and problem solving skills needed to go the distance.   Lastly, couples who prioritize “having Fun together” as a frequent part of their relationship have functional insurance against the frustration of loveless or short-term marriages. 

So, maintaining a strong bond of commitment and prioritizing FUN together are powerful antidotes for stale or loveless marriages.

Two keys to making marriage rewarding and fulfilling are love and respect.  Men and women often have different needs in a relationship:  Men tend to have high needs for respect and women tend to have high needs for love.   One challenging thing for most couples is that they often speak different languages when it comes to loving one another as outlined by Gary Chapman, author of the Five Love Languages.

Other ingredients common to healthy, lasting marriages and strong families include:

• Open Communication where thoughts and opinions are valued/respected and disagreement is allowed; this is an easily learned skill but takes practice.
• Conflict resolution skills; the ability to regularly solve problems and disagreements in ways that both win; this is also a learned skill.
• Commitment to work things out and to invest in making your marriage a priority by attending periodic enrichment events like those offered by First Things First.
• Having fun together and going on regular dates provides a strong antidote to stale marriage.  Protect these times from conflict or family business.
• Shared responsibilities around the house are an important hallmark of a healthy family… and it is good for your sex life too!
• Lastly, maintaining a vital and regular sex life with your spouse keeps the pizzazz in a marriage.  During busy stages of marriage especially with small children, you may need to schedule sex dates which can be as simple as locking the door after the kids go to bed and lighting a candle to say I want to be with you and to share an intimate moment.

Facing the Facts

• In the city of Richmond, 63.5% of children are born to unmarried women
• In the city of Richmond, more than 84% of African-American children are born to unmarried women
• Only 41.7% of Richmond households with children under 18 are headed by a married couple

 

First Things First Programs

All Pro Dad
To provide young dads and their kids with a chance to bond beyond school and home, First Things First offers a monthly All Pro Dad program. Using the nationally recognized program, First Things First provides chances for dads to interact with their elementary-aged kids in a fun-filled, engaged environment. Dads and kids will walk away with great life lessons and a stronger connection.

All Pro Dad is hosted on the first Tuesday of the month at Martin’s grocery store at Crossridge; the second Tuesday of the month at Martin’s grocery story at White Oak; and the third Thursday of the month at the Partnership for Families Northside. The program is free and runs from 6:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m.

Boot Camp for New Dads
This unique father-to-father community-based workshop prepares and equips expectant dads to become confidently engaged with their infants, support their mates, and navigate their transformation into dads. New babies do not come with owners’ manuals. Crying babies, diaper changing, and dealing with mom are new experiences for first-time fathers. Soon-to-be dads and new dads spend a morning with other first-time dads who provide practical tips and perspectives by bringing their own babies, and helps new dads be confident in their abilities to be great dads. Approximately 1,300 dads from the greater Richmond area participated in Boot Camp for New Dads from 2007 to 2012 at eight local hospitals.

When Baby Makes Three
In this fun workshop for couples, “expecting and new” parents discover how to have more time, more intimacy, more money and less drama after the baby has been born. They discover how a new baby impacts their “love language” and hear practical tips to keep the fire burning in spite of the added stress and time demands of an infant. Relationships benefit from this time of encouragement and understanding.

Relationship Smarts
FTF currently has a part-time Americorps member who spends the majority of her time serving at-risk youth in the greater Richmond area. [Click here to read more, May is Teen Pregnancy Prevention Month]

Relationship Smarts increases teens’ confidence and capacity to develop both healthy relationships in the short-term and healthy marriages in the long-term.  The curriculum has lessons on self-awareness and planning, including maturity, values clarification and peer pressure, before addressing romantic relationships.  Teens learn about the nature and ups and downs of romantic attractions while being guided to build realistic concepts of love.

Inside Out Dad
First Things First facilitates a re-entry program for incarcerated fathers known as Inside Out Dad, the nation’s only evidence-based program designed specifically for working with imprisoned fathers. The three-month program is a basic fathering program that increases: fathering knowledge, pro-fathering attitudes and behaviors, healthy interaction with the mother and children, and likelihood of family reunification. The program has been linked to reduced recidivism and increased likelihood of re-entry success.

In Richmond City Jail and Deep Meadow Correctional Facility, FTF currently facilitates Inside Out Dad for incarcerated fathers. The program covers childhood development, communication skills, the father’s role, and manhood. The re-entry program helps reduce recidivism rates and improves inmates’ knowledge and attitudes.

“They say it takes a village to raise a child. That may be the case, but the truth is that it takes a lot of solid, stable marriages to create a village.” ~ Diane Sollee

Upcoming Events

Celebrate Fatherhood
First Things First of Greater Richmond will host Celebrate Fatherhood, a free event for all families, in collaboration with the Richmond Kickers, the Collegiate School Aquatics Center, and Chesterfield County on June 9 from 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. at Ukrop Park at the new Collegiate School Aquatics Center in Chesterfield, Va. Families will enjoy field games, bounce houses, food trucks, an indoor swimming pool, putt-putt, soccer and more. Other events include the “Fastest Dad in Richmond Race” (both swimming and running).  For more information, and to register for Celebrate Fatherhood, visit www.FirstThingsRichmond.org.

The Surprising Way to a Stronger Marriage with Michael and Amy Smalley Live
The First Things First Marriage Coalition is partnering with more than 20 churches to bring Michael and Amy Smalley Live for “The Surprising Way to a Stronger Marriage” event. Couples throughout the Central Virginia region can attend this Friday evening and Saturday morning seminar that inspires them to experience the kind of love and passion God desires for their relationship. Each session is thoroughly researched to ensure its content will truly make a difference in each couple’s lives!

When: August 16-17, 2013 – from 7 to 9:30 p.m. on Friday, August 15 and 9 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. on Saturday, August 17.

Where: Mechanicsville Christian Center, 8061 Shady Grove Rd Mechanicsville, VA 23111

Register: www.FirstThingsRichmond.org

 

First Things First Needs Your Help

Many of the organization’s youth projects First Things First conducts in the community are  at no charge, so community support is very important in allowing them to work with youth. Community support is crucial to continuing to provide many of these curriculums to Richmond’s youth, fathers and couples.  As they grow, the community’s support will also go a long way towards helping us reach more people.  Your help lets us go where people may not be able to afford to participate or work with organizations that can’t afford to offer the curriculum on their own.

“We believe that education is a key component in encouraging youth to make healthy relationship choices, fathers to have active involved relationships with their children and married couples to have stronger marriages.  We believe that relationship success depends not on having the perfect people involved, but on knowledge and competencies that can be taught and learned.” says Truin Huntley, FTF’s Executive Director.

First Things First believes that the more people know that difficulties are inevitable and normal and works to provide them with techniques to overcome and work through these bumps in the road, the more likely they are to make healthy relationship decisions.   Their key areas of focus are to encourage fathers to take an active role in their children’s lives, encourage married couples to strengthen their marriages and youth to make healthy, values-based relationship decisions and prepare them to make good choices about mates instead of making decisions based on emotions or peer pressure.

Richmond has a very high rate of fragmented families.  First Things First of Greater Richmond is striving to work upstream to prevent childhood poverty, reduce crime rates and encourage prosperity for Richmond’s families.  Together we can help build our communities, because family matters. First Things First is doing the legwork in the Richmond community to make sure we have strong families to build successful communities. The importance of healthy marriages is not just for children.  Adults, schools, and every component in a community make up a village.

For more information about First Things First of Greater Richmond, and how you can help, please visit: www.FirstThingsRichmond.org