Back in “the day” folks knew their neighbors and knew them well. People lived in neighborhoods where children respected their elders and elders had no problem disciplining the children. Today it’s an entirely different story. Now people can live in a neighborhood where a man keeps three women and a little girl captive and chained like animals in a dark dank basement for over a decade and if anyone complained, seek view nobody listened. How could this have happened? The days of nosey neighbors all “up in your business” seem to have gone by. Now it’s as if people just do not want to get involved. We live in the age of technology where emails and texting have replaced handwritten letters and thank you notes.
Many people today do not know who they live next door to much less where their neighbors work or what occupation they have. Literally people can go months and years without ever speaking to the people who live next door to them. Individualism and a type of “me and mine” mentality overrules any need for real human connection, neighborly friendliness or kindness towards one another. Unfortunately we all suffer the consequences of the lack of old school neighborhoods. Families with children definitely need to know the people they live around. It is imperative that people reclaim the practice of becoming good neighbors, recognizing that personally connecting one to another is what builds good neighborhoods. And strong communities are built by strong bonds of neighborly friendliness, care and concern for one another.
Back in the day, it would be unimaginable for a house to be abandoned and boarded up in a neighborhood and no one knew what was inside of that house. People used to know when folks got a new television or bedroom suit. They knew what color your bathroom was or the pattern of the wallpaper on your walls. They even knew when your parents were fighting or your grandparents were coming to town. Today a serial rapist and pedophile can live next door, a mass murderer or homegrown terrorist can anonymously “live among us” and no one pays attention. No one questions why a man comes to a boarded up house with bags of fast food and why there’s no lights turned on. Why is there garbage being brought out when no one lives in the house? A woman and baby spotted in the attic window of a boarded up house aren’t strange? If only it was back in the day when neighbors knew who was who and asked questions until there was an answer. If only it hadn’t taken over a decade for someone to be paying attention when cries for help came. If only neighborhoods were made up of people in community with each other, looking out for one another and suspicious of things that didn’t seem right. If only all human beings regardless of race, gender or class were valued in the same way as those with money, means and privilege. Three young women and a little girl might have spent far fewer days in the captivity of an unrepentant pedophile and serial rapist than they did. If only neighbors and neighborhoods were more like they were back then than they are today. What do you think? Talk to me!
Dr.T
Artistic Director and Founder of
The Conciliation Project & Professor
At Virginia Commonwealth University
DrT@Margin2theCenter.com
www.theconciliationproject.org
Up next week: Memorial Day: the unrecognized & forgotten
3 comments
Dr. T., I agree that we have moved so far away from “old school neighbors”. Simple things like respect for one another have evaporated from our communities. I cannot imagine living anywhere and not taking time to get to know those who live in my neighborhood especially those who live across and down the street from me. I know where my neighbors work, their occupation if they have children and what some of their interest are. I ask them “how are you doing”, if sick do they need anything. This is how you build strong communities. When you speak to your neighbors you acknowledge their existence in our world. Show that you genuinely care and have a desire to know who they are be intentional. Recognize and value diversity and their individual culture you might learn something new, like appreciating the richness of who they are. Don’t isolate yourself you never know when they may need you or you may need them.
While I do appreciate technology and know how to use a lot of it, I too miss handwritten letters and thank you notes. I still like to call friends and family on my cell phone and I much prefer to call and say happy birthday by phone or in person if possible. When I call someone I enjoy hearing the smile and joy in their voice it warms my heart, I don’t get that when texting.
Here are a few recent examples of knowing your neighbors and caring about them.
One day a couple of weeks ago I was looking out my front window and I noticed my neighbor’s front door was wide open. I did not see their car so I became concerned because I knew this was not something they would do. So, I immediately called my neighbor at work and she was shocked to know that the door was open. She asked me to go over to her house and close the door and that’s exactly what I did. She said she was leaving work immediately to come home. My neighbor and her husband were both very grateful.
Three months ago at 6:30 (it was dark outside) am I noticed my neighbor across the street car door and truck was wide open. I called them immediately they came outside and were shocked to see this. They are still thanking me for calling them.
Another neighbor was at work I noticed someone sitting in her yard reading a book. I had never seen him before and I did not think my neighbor knew the person. So I waited for a little while and he was still reading a book. What do you think I did? I called my neighbor at work explained what I saw and I was told they were not expecting anyone and the description I gave them did not sound like anyone they knew. My neighbor immediately left work and came home, but by the time they arrived he was gone. They were very thankful I call them.
I personally believe that “the presence of wealth” lies in the life of those in our neighborhood and as we take time to know our neighbors we become wealthy.
Dear Charlotte,
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. It sounds as though your neighborhood is one based on respect and mutual care one for another. I know you are the type of person I would love to have as a neighbor although I too have some pretty good neighbors. I do miss the real human connections that we used to have when everyone was less “wired” and much less dependent upon technology. I used to live in a neighborhood where we would have spontaneous community conversations right out on the curb or standing in someone’s driveway. There’s nothing like “real talk” with real people. I would opt for that any day over texting, Facebook and Ichat.
I agree with you completely. We are enriched by getting to know one another. Thank you for sharing.
As a New Yorker, I can understand how people choose not to get involved. Our communities have steadily become more divided over issues such as class. People just choose not to interact with one another due to such factors. Individualism often rules, which is sad because our communities would be able to prosper greatly as a unit instead of individuals.
Comments are closed.